YOU NEED
A DIVERSION
This past week I received the following e-mail from a reader: “I am confused and I don’t know where else to turn. I have this problem.I suffer from premature ejaculation.I can’t think of anything more humiliating. I know the trick about picturing something ugly. The trouble is, I can’t keep that picture in my mind. I’m like overtaken by the intensity and I just lose it. Is there anything else you can suggest?”
I don’t usually do this but I’ll share a little bit of my personal life here. I’ve experienced premature ejaculation too. It’s part of sex. The experience can be so overpowering, the energy so focused and relentless, that yes, we just lose it.
What you need is a diversion. Something to take your mind off the intensity, something to unfocus your energy. Here’s a list of the first five things that come to mind. Feel free to use more than one simultaneously, if the need should arise.
1) LISTEN TO BAD MUSIC DURING THE LOVEMAKING.
I’ll even suggest a tune: Debbie Boone’s “You Light Up My Life.”
“So many nights I sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his songs
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now
You’ve come along”
Yuck. Can you imagine ejaculating prematurely while that’s playing? No way. The syrupy sentimentality is a sure turn off.
And if for whatever reason that doesn’t do the trick, consider a different version of “You Light Up My Life.” The duet sung by Pat and Debbie Boone.
“Rollin’ at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I’m turning for home?
Finally, a chance to say hey,
I love you
Never again to be all alone”
This is a father and daughter we’re talking about. Fathers and daughters should never sing romantic duets. There should be a law.
And if for whatever reason that doesn’t do the trick, consider a different version of “You Light Up My Life.” The duet sung by Donnie and Marie Osmond. This is a brother and sister we’re talking about.
2) TURN ON THE TELEVISION.
I know, I know, there’s no way she’ll go for it. But I’m not talking about watching football. Let her choose the programming. All you’re after is the background noise and the image to distract you.
If she lets you choose the programming, watch a comedian. There’s some incredible footage of Chris Farley from his Saturday Night Live days. There’s no way you’ll ejaculate prematurely with Matt Foley in the room. He’s the motivational speaker living in a van… down by the river.
3) WEAR CONDOMS.
If I sound like an advertisement for safe sex, good. But condoms also serve a function here. They slow everything down. Getting that thing out of the package, unrolled and on is a form of gymnastics. Use that time to calm down. This in fact is the most effective time to picture something ugly. Personally, I’m a fan of Ronald Reagan. Yes, that’s right. I picture the old man while I unpackage the condom. A sure relaxant.
4) THERE IS A SEX TOY WORTH CONSIDERING.
Desensitizing penis creams. These are “control creams,” according to the advertising, to “keep it hard and strong, all night long.” If that’s really what you want.
Because this is America, the land of choice, these desensitizing creams come in different substances. There’s Ginseng Root and Hemp Seed and Benzocaine and even cherry Benzocaine. Yum. The Benzocaine numbs the head of the penis. There’s a spray too, for less mess.
I’m not sure how these others work. The hemp, I assume, gets you high and silly, which reduces the overall intensity.
5) FINALLY, I’LL OFFER ONE MORE SUGGESTION. I ALLUDED TO IT IN NUMBER THREE. MEN NEED TO TAKE BREAKS.
Consider a sports analogy. In football and basketball, there are timeouts and ends of quarters. In baseball, the inning ends. In tennis, there’s a change of serve. Why are these breaks built into the games? For the players to relax and reinvigorate. Why is sex any different?
YOU NEED A DIVERSION
This past week I received the following e-mail from a reader: “I am confused and I don’t know where else to turn. I have this problem.I suffer from premature ejaculation.I can’t think of anything more humiliating. I know the trick about picturing something ugly. The trouble is, I can’t keep that picture in my mind. I’m like overtaken by the intensity and I just lose it. Is there anything else you can suggest?”
I don’t usually do this but I’ll share a little bit of my personal life here. I’ve experienced premature ejaculation too. It’s part of sex. The experience can be so overpowering, the energy so focused and relentless, that yes, we just lose it.
What you need is a diversion. Something to take your mind off the intensity, something to unfocus your energy. Here’s a list of the first five things that come to mind. Feel free to use more than one simultaneously, if the need should arise.
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